Friday Funnies: You Guessed It Christmas!

Looking for that perfect mate at Christmas?

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Instructions: " You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six
floors and the value of the products increase as you go up.
You may choose any item from a particular floor,OR you may choose to go up
to the next floor, BUT you cannot go back down except to exit the building!"

So, a woman goes to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues : the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims,'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer. The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
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The rest of the world cannot understand how after bitter election campaigns, American politicians can return to reality. For Instance Sarah Palin has invited to her great state of Alaska the men who defeated her, Barack Obama and Joe Biden.

She has provided a moose-hunting trip for their enjoyment and has hired two other prominent men to assist them. Dick Cheney will instruct them in safe gun handling and Ted Kennedy will drive them back to their cabins in the evening.

What a gal, that Sarah is such a sport and thinks of everything.
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REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.
Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.
We should've known…...
ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
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This one was so funny I had to include it as my animal funny!


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Ladies, you are never too old to believe in Santa!!

Okay, I know you guys are going to whine, so, how about Mrs. Claus?


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Now, for the Santa game. I clearly do not make a good thief, because Santa kept on knocking me out. I never made it to round two.

Grand Theft Grotto! See if you can beat my 880 score (HA!).
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IF A FAT GUY GRABS YOU AND PUTS YOU IN A BAG, DON'T WORRY,
I TOLD SANTA I WANTED A GOOD FRIEND FOR CHRISTMAS!



MERRY CHRISTMAS and A HAPPY NEW YEAR!