Okay, let's start off with one of the funniest classics ever, the dentist.
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Did you know?
That the words race car spelled backward says race car.
That eat is the only word that if you take the 1st letter and move it to the last, it spells it's past tense ate.
And have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in "illegal immigrants,” and add just a few more letters, it spells out: "Go home you free-loading, benefit grabbing, kid-producing, violent, non-English speaking assholes and take those hairy-faced, sandal wearing, bomb making, goat loving, smelly rag head bastards with you."
How weird is that?
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Doctor's Visit. . .
When Barack Obama got out of the shower and was drying off he looked in
The mirror and noticed he was white from the neck up to the
top of his head.
In sheer panic and fearing he was turning white and might have to start
Working for a living, he called his doctor and told him about his
Problem. The doctor advised him to come to his office immediately.
After an examination, the doctor mixed a concoction of brown liquid
Which he gave it to Obama and told him to drink all of it.
After drinking the concoction, Obama replied,
'That tasted like bull shit!'
The doctor replied, "It was! You were a quart low!!"
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From a new American friend.....
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Don’t ignore this one, please read it
THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU...... IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOUR MOTHER YOUR SISTER OR YOUR DAUGHTER...
The strangest thing happened to me this weekend. I was sitting at a local outdoor cafe having lunch by myself and two men came and sat down at my table.... I gave them the death look, but they just casually stayed at my table and wouldn't leave me alone. I shined up my ring on my married finger, then placed my hand on the table and I hinted to them that I was married and that I was not interested in them.
Luckily for me they got the hint and left, but thankfully the whole thing was captured on the Cafe's camera. I'm sending you this picture as a warning... just in case they try and pick you up too..
Honestly, some men think they are God's gift to women.
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Joe Legal vs. Jose Illegal
You have 2 families... "Joe Legal" and "Jose Illegal". Both families have 2 parents, 2 children and live in California.
"Joe Legal" works in construction, has a Social Security Number, and makes $25.00 per hour with payroll taxes deducted.
"Jose Illegal" also works in construction, has NO Social Security Number, and gets paid $15.00 cash "under the table".
Joe Legal... $25.00 per hour x 40 hours = $1000.00 per week = $52,000 per year. Now take 30% away for state and federal tax. Joe Legal now has $31,231.00.
Jose Illegal... $15.00 per hour x 40 hours = $600.00 per week = $31,200.00 per year. Jose Illegal pays no taxes. Jose Illegal now has $31,200.00.
Joe Legal pays for Medical and Dental Insurance with limited coverage ... $1000.00 per month = $12,000.00 per year. Joe Legal now has $19,231.00.
Jose Illegal has full Medical and Dental coverage through the state and local clinics at a cost of $0.00 per year. Jose Illegal still has $31,200.00.
Joe Legal makes too much money to be eligible for Food Stamps or Welfare so Joe Legal pays for food... $1,000.00 per month = $12,000.00 per year. Joe Legal now has $7,231.00.
Jose Illegal has no documented income and is eligible for Food Stamps and Welfare. Jose Illegal still has $31,200.00.
Joe Legal pays rent of $1,000.00 per month = $12,000.00 per year. Joe Legal is now in the hole -$4,769.00.
Jose Illegal receives a $500 per month Federal rent subsidy, which entirely pays his rent of $500.00 per month = $6,000.00 per year. Jose Illegal still has $31,200.00.
Joe Legal now works overtime on Saturdays and gets a part time job after work to make ends meet.
Jose Illegal has nights and weekends off to enjoy with his family.
Joe Legal's and Jose Illegal's children both attend the same school.
Joe Legal pays for his children's lunches while Jose Illegal's children get free government sponsored lunches.
Joe Legal's children go home after school. Jose Illegal's children have an after school ESL program which, again, is provided free of charge.
Joe Legal and Jose Illegal both enjoy the same Police and Fire Services, but Joe Legal paid for them and Jose Illegal did not pay.
ARE YOU MAD YET?!?!?!
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The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is
that they would hate to have to live under the laws they've passed
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The World's Shortest Books:
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan.
Illustrated by Michael Moore
________________________________________
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS &
HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton
_______________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
by Hillary Clinton
________________________________
Sequel:
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton
___________________________________
MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE
by Osama Bin Laden
___________________________________
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates
____________________________________
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman
_________________________________
THINGS I KNOW TO BE TRUE
by Al Gore & John Kerry
_____________________________________
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
___________________________________
A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J.. Kevorkian
__________________________________
ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE
by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnel
____________________________________
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson
__________________________________
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
_______________________________________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O. J. Simpson
_________________________________________
MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton with introduction
by the Rev. Jesse Jackson
*******************************************************
AND, JUST ADDED:
Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy!
By Nancy Pelosi
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For your mindless game of the week, try the color vision test, my last entry was wrong, and believe me you don't want to get one wrong. HA
We are going to have close to 30C this week, so I will be out in my garden watching my tomatoes ripen!
2 comments:
We have so much smoke here from fires all around us that it is a wonder that we can even see the sun.
Came home from Vancouver the other day and cresting the final hill into Kamloops all you could see was a dense cloud of smoke. You can taste it, smell it and it is awful on the eyes.
Enjoy your garden. Tomato and onion salad with a touch of olive oil and balsamic vinegar is to die for. Yummy. Cheers.
Lots to "funny" today ... Thanks 4 FNF
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