Friday, August 14, 2009

Friday Night Funnies: Rain

I spent 6 hours today in the emergency department because my youngest son had broken his arm (skateboarding) and needed a cast. He's fine and loves his black cast (he thought about the bright pink one for about 2 seconds). I'm not too sure I'm in the mood for funnies right now, but here goes:
The Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......

'Hey Jose, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet.'

'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee.'

So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... Every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.

'Jose, Jose, we is saved. 'Eees a bacon tree.'

'Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't forget..'

'Jose when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon.... Ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree'.

And with that... Luis Races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Jose following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up,and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, a true friend that he is, he manages to warn Jose with his dying breath.

'Jose... Go back man,you was right ees not a bacon tree.'

'Luis Luis mi amigo... What ees it?

'Jose... Ees not a bacon tree...



Eees a Ham Bush.
A piano with balls!

What husbands think:

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
David Bissonette

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Sigmund Freud

'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'

'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'
James Holt McGavra

My wife and I were happy for twenty years Then we met.
Henny Youngman

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
Reminder to my lefty readers.... THIS IS A JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Excellent Travel Tip

What to do in a flight when you have an annoying passenger
sitting next to you ...

1. Remove your laptop from the briefcase;
2. Open the laptop slowly and carefully:
3. Turn it on, as well as the sound;
4. Make sure that the passenger next to you is looking;
5. Access the Internet;
6. Close your eyes for a few moments, open again and look up
to heaven:
7. Take a deep breath and open the site:
8. Observe the facial expression of the passenger seating next
to you.

Have a good trip.
A guy orders a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the blonde woman's boobs and splashes all over them. The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off her boobs.

Each time the guy calls for another beer this happens. So after his third beer, he decides to help the bartender out. The next time the bartender hit her boobs, the man jumps up and starts to lick her breasts and she decks him!

He is laying on the floor moaning, 'Jeez lady... Why do you let the bartender do it?'

'Duh,' says the blonde, 'He has a licker license.'
What is COURAGE?

What is the meaning of courage?

Is it to fight a bull in a bullfight?

Is it to drive a formula 1 car?

Is it to fly a fighter in combat?

Is it to practice free falling parachuting?

Is it bungee jumping, wild water rafting?

Is it to gamble your salary on a coin toss?

Is it to insult the doorman in a bar?

Is it to insult your boss?

Is it to go on a defective ferris wheel?

Bullshit…that is nothing…..


Do you know what happened 159 years ago this fall... back in 1850?

California became a state.
The people had no electricity.
The state had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.

So basically nothing has changed.
Cats can sleep anywhere:

Meet Lucky!

A Choir makes RAIN:

Was it a kid or the mayor??? Of course my boys think this is hilarious, even the wounded one!

That's it... I need to sit back and read a good book for awhile. Oh, I just about forgot your time waster for this week. Batman!!!


West Coast Teddi said...

If you had Obamacare you could get any color you like, within minutes but the cost would be over a trillion.

As Henry Ford said: "you can have any color you want as long as it is black!!"

Thanks for the FNF

Alberta Girl said...

"I spent 6 hours today in the emergency department"


I thought Jack said that no Canadian 'waited' more than 6 minute in the emergency room!!!!!

You must mean 6 minutes, right Hunter?? (sarc off)