Friday Funnies: Dancing With The Stars!

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who are the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second, from Chicago , responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon, from Dallas , says, "No I really, think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers, those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There are no guts, no heart, no brains and no spine, and the head and the butt are interchangeable."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bad Bad Puppy!


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anger Management
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know, but you know deserves it.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make.
I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying
'Hello.' I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right f***ing number!'
and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her,
I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled
'You're an asshole!'
and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an asshole!'
It always cheered me up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.
I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole
(I had his number on speed dial,)
I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'
He said, 'Yes, it is.'
I asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax .
It's a yellow ranch, and the car's parked right out in front.'
I asked, 'What's your name?'
He said, 'My name is Don Hansen,'
I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'
He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'
I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'
He said, 'Yes?'
I said, 'Don, you're an asshole!'
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea.

I called asshole #1.
He said, 'Hello.'
I said, 'You're an asshole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)
He asked,'Are you still there?'
I said,'Yeah!'
He screamed, 'Stop calling me,'
I said, 'Make me,'
He asked, 'Who are you?'
I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'
I said, 'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax ,
a yellow ranch, I have a black Beamer parked in front.'
He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'
I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,' and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.
He said, 'Hello?'
I said, 'Hello, asshole,'
He yelled,'If I ever find out who you are...'
I said, 'You'll what?'
He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass,'
I answered, 'Well, asshole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now.'

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd,in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax.
I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.
Anger management really does work.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For the guys: (don't be drinking your Saturday coffee when you watch this one!)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And finally, Dancing with the Stars:



Nice white boots there Obama! Wonder what kind of damage Sarah could do with those high heels!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Remember lefties, these are JOKES! Have a great Friday night, Saturday morning. Relax, the election is over, and we won!