Knowing that I will never top that, I'm keeping to my regular scheduled programming, which is the Friday Funnies. This week I was lucky enough to have a reader of my blog send me two good jokes, so let's begin there and see where they lead us!
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A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible. The short story had to contain the following three things:
(1) Religion (2) Sexuality (3) Mystery.
There was only one A+ paper in the entire class. Below is the A+ short story:
Good God, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it.
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Fire Truck
A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a
little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the
sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet.
The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.
"Thanks" the girl says.
The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon
to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little Partner," the fire fighter says,
"I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie
that rope around the cats' collar too, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I
wouldn't have a siren.
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Poor cat! So, keeping with the dog/cat theme:
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How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
4. Rottweiler: Make me.
5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!
10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
11. Chihuahua : Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or "We don't need no stinking light bulb."
12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
13. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?
Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:
"How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!
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Feel free to make one up for your breed of dog. Seeing as I'm on a roll with animal stuff:
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Now that one was too funny, I've heard cat's are lazy, but he won't even use the treadmill.
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A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a
year.
That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Damn we're good! Makes You Proud To Be An American.
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I think that Canadians probably have the Americans beat on that last one, our beer is high octane, their's is more like regular or lite. HA.
Well, hope those jokes made you laugh or smile, if not maybe these will:
If your not smiling now, it's probably because it's Saturday morning and your eyes are too blurry, and your mouth is too furry. Have a great Friday night/Saturday morning!
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